Focus on Your Own Journey: The Power of Self-Direction (And Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, You're Not Winning)

As I write this, the world's top athletes are gathering for the 2024 Summer Olympics, a pinnacle of competition where every fraction of a second counts. Yet, in today's competitive world, it's easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others, even when we're not vying for a gold medal. We often find ourselves wondering why someone else is achieving more, earning more, or succeeding faster. But as Evy Poumpouras, in her book, "Becomming Bulletproof," so astutely points out, "Every ounce of energy you waste worrying about someone else's progress or performance is one less ounce of energy you can spend on yourself, on building your skills and making your own strides forward." Let's take a cue from these Olympic athletes, who focus on their own performance and progress, and remember that our own journey is the only one that truly matters.

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I remember being an elementary school girl, gazing longingly at my classmate's silky, straight hair. My own hair was a wild tangle of curls, and I desperately wanted to tame it. I'd spend hours with a straightener, trying to force my locks into submission. But instead of sleek, flat hair, I'd end up with a head full of puffy frizz. I was so focused on being someone else – on having her hair, her style, her ease – that I neglected my own unique beauty.

Fast forward into adulthood and parenthood, and I found myself falling into the same trap. I'd attend church services and marvel at the parents with well-behaved children, silently wondering what their secret was. I'd embrace their parenting methods, trying to mimic their techniques, because my desire for well-behaved kids trumped my own unique style and convictions. I'd suppress my own instincts, my own values, and my own voice, all in the name of conformity.

Now, in the present, it's easy to do the same. Here I am, navigating divorce, while most of my friends are in happy, healthy relationships. I catch myself asking, "What's wrong with me?" I compare my shattered dreams to their seemingly perfect unions, and my lonely nights at home to their romantic dates and getaways. I feel like I'm coming up short, like I'm stuck in a rut while they're sipping champagne and watching sunsets together. But then I remember, every ounce of energy I waste worrying about someone else's progress or performance is one less ounce of energy I can spend on myself, on building my skills and making my own strides forward.

As a grandmother, I often find myself wishing for more moments with my precious grandkids. Seeing others share in the joys of grandparenthood can stir up feelings of longing and nostalgia. I reflect on the memories I've yet to make and the milestones I've missed, but I'm reminding myself that life is full of seasons and circumstances beyond our control. I'm learning to focus on the time I do have with my loved ones and cherish every moment, rather than comparing my journey to others. After all, perfection is an illusion, and it's in our imperfections that we find beauty and growth.

But comparison can creep into even the most enjoyable aspects of our lives. In my hobbies, like photography and gardening, I find myself falling into the same trap. When I see a stunning photo or a beautifully manicured garden, I catch myself thinking, "Mine will never be as good as that." I start to critique my own work, cutting down my own creations, and doubting my abilities. It's like I'm my own worst critic, minus the fancy degree from the University of Self-Doubt.

But that's when I remind myself: comparison is a thief. It steals our joy, our confidence, and our power. I was taught as a child that JOY stood for Jesus first, others second, yourself last. While this mantra may have been well-intentioned, it has not served me well. In fact, it's led me to prioritize others' needs and expectations over my own, leaving me feeling drained and unfulfilled. But what I've come to realize is that even Jesus prioritized his own needs and took care of himself. He often withdrew from the crowds to pray and recharge, and he even took time to rest and sleep. I mean, if Jesus needed a nap, I'm pretty sure I do too.

It's time to take a cue from the Good Book and shift our focus inward. Imagine if Jesus had compared himself to John the Baptist - "Wait, why does he get to wear camel hair and eat locusts? I'm the one with the miracles here!" Thankfully, He didn't, and we shouldn't either. Let's channel our energy into building our skills, nurturing our passions, and pursuing our goals. When we focus on ourselves, we open ourselves up to limitless possibilities and opportunities. And the best part? We'll be so fulfilled and energized that we'll actually have something left to give to others - no more exhausted, stressed-out zombies! So, let's make a pact to stop comparing and start thriving. Our unique journeys are waiting!

By directing our attention inward, we can:

- Identify areas for personal growth and improvement

- Develop a sense of purpose and direction

- Cultivate resilience and self-confidence

- Make meaningful progress toward our objectives

- And finally, stop comparing ourselves to others and start comparing ourselves to who we were yesterday. Because let's be real, that's a competition we can actually win.

Remember, success is not a limited resource. Someone else's achievement doesn't diminish our own potential. As the Bible says, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10). Let's celebrate others' successes while staying focused on our own unique path. By doing so, we'll unlock our true potential and make strides toward a brighter, more fulfilling future. We each have a distinct purpose and contribution to make, and embracing this truth will lead us to a life of purpose, joy, and celebration - not comparison and competition.

So, take a deep breath, redirect your energy, and remember: your journey is unique, and your success is waiting. And if all else fails, just remember that you're not alone in this crazy thing called life. We're all just trying to figure it out, one moment at a time.

Thanks for joining me on this journey of self-reflection and growth. If you resonated with this post, I'd love to hear from you - leave a comment below and let's continue the conversation! And if you want more content like this, be sure to subscribe to my blog for regular updates and insights. Together, let's celebrate our unique paths and support one another in embracing our authentic selves.

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